Homeschooling Hubris

By Nancy Spring

When my husband and I first began homeschooling, I was obsessed with the topic. At the local playground, sitting with other parents, I would eagerly anticipate the inevitable, “Where do your children attend school?” How many parents felt trapped on the park bench as I bored them with the manifold advantages of home education?

Sixteen years later, I no longer have such a drive to preach the gospel of homeschooling, which is, of course, no gospel at all. Instead, strange though it may seem coming from a homeschooler, I am alert to the dangers, from a faith perspective, of choosing this option of educating children.

Before proceeding, I need to state clearly that I love teaching my kids at home and learning with them. I am grateful that homeschooling is legal throughout Canada, and that our family has the freedom to  pursue this mode of education. What makes me wary (and weary) is the tendency to elevate homeschooling in some Christian circles to almost idol status.

For some, it has become not only the litmus test of good parenting, but also the shibboleth of faithful Christian living. Homeschooling parents champion the ongoing teaching of children when they “sit at home and ...walk along the road, when [they] lie down and ...get up”(Deut 6:6). This is indeed a worthy goal for a parent; however, it need not be achieved exclusively through homeschooling.

I am saddened to hear of homeschooling parents who feel burdened by their choice, as though they are obliged to bear this unwanted yoke if they ever hope to please the Lord in their parenting. Similarly,  those who choose to stop homeschoooling after a time often struggle with feelings of failure.

There can be a smugness in the Christian homeschooling community that includes a troubling pecking order: those who homeschool from kindergarten through Grade Twelve are on top, especially if their offspring then go on to achieve higher academic success. Next come those who stop homeschooling at some point sooner, often at high school. Last place goes to those who “manage” only a year or two.

We have then, at times, a fi erce competitiveness amongst parents who homeschool. There is little room for honesty and vulnerability. Many are secretly fearful that their own curriculum or way of  homeschooling is inferior to that of other homeschoolers. There are always more exotic subjects that haven’t been covered, other languages that haven’t been taught, musical instruments that haven’t been mastered. Reading books on the subject can at times be even more intimidating.

To be fair, some of this pressure can come from outside the homeschooling community, from those who still may not be convinced that this is a valid educational option. It is not unusual for any parent to feel judged when his or her schooling choice is “rejected” by another. So there is a pressure to outperform those whose children are in traditional school settings. The hubris of homeschoolers that can be so irritating may be genuine, or it may be simply a front, a defense against anticipated criticism.

Some parents arm themselves with statistics and studies that demonstrate the superior academic performance of homeschoolers. But I have always found this to be disingenuous in spite of the accuracy of the studies. It is only to be expected that children of parents who are deeply involved in and committed to their academic success will perform better than the general population. It must be admitted that if these same children were to be placed within a traditional school setting, they would continue to do better than the general population as their parents would still support and oversee their learning to a large degree. These are advantaged children.

But they are also under pressure. Some homeschooled children have felt held to a higher standard; indeed, they have unwillingly been given the role of “ambassador of homeschooling”. These children must be perfectly behaved, but not too weird. They must be neither too shy, nor too confident. They must be stellar students (I’ve had perfect strangers attempt to quiz my children in spelling and arithmetic!) and also perfect Christians. These expectations are unrealistic to say the least.

Finally, Christian homeschoolers need to consider how they will stay connected to their broader community. When our oldest daughter was in public school for kindergarten and Grade One, my husband regularly volunteered in her classroom; he was struck by the neediness of many children who had no father-fi gure in their lives. It was with some guilt, then, that we began homeschooling, for we realized that it would be difficult to volunteer in this way again until our own children were grown. My part-time involvement as a public-school teacher has done something to assuage this guilt, but it takes intentional living and specific planning to avoid becoming too insular.

The problem is not socialization for our own children-- there are more homeschooling, church, and community groups available for this than we could possibly have time for. The problem is making space in our lives to be serving the needs of our broader community. We need to be a blessing to others.

And this includes making room for the many homeschoolers who are not Christians. I have been dismayed by the policies of some homeschool support groups that allow only Christians (with a signed pastor’s letter!) to belong. This is indeed a wasted opportunity.

Homeschooling allows for great freedom: we are not obligated to march to the schedule of a school bell. We can do math at midnight, if we choose. We can recite poetry in our pajamas, study dock spiders for five weeks straight, or read a novel to our children uninterrupted all afternoon. But our freedom must not be used to sin (Gal 5:13). We must not make our family existence into an idol, allowing no room for those outside our cozy circle.

There are no perfect educational options in this fallen world, and we need to acknowledge this. Homeschooling can be wonderful, with the potential to be a great blessing not only to our own families, but also to the communities in which we live. Let us never allow it to be a stumbling block for others. TAP

Nancy Spring and her husband, Jim Doelman, have homeschooled their three daughters (now 23, 16 and 14) since 1993. They are all members of St. George’s Anglican Church, London, Ontario. Nancy can be reached at nancy_spring@yahoo.ca.